Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
