I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did i just pee glitter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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