Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
