I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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