i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
