I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
