Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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