I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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