Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
