Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize