I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
