I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
