I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
