...so i touched it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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