You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
