i jhust puked up my retainher.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
