It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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