Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
