he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
