My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
