Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
