as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
