So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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