so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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