he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
