Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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