I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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