So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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