I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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