I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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