Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wanna go halves on a baby?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
