I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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