I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
