playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
