if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
