She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
