i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
