she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
