We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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