whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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