I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize