I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
