This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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