The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
