I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
