Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
