Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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