I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
