On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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