he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
