I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
