I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
