just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
