Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
