Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
