I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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