She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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