I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
