There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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