Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize