i jhust puked up my retainher.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
