She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No subtext here. People are naked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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