dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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