yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
