I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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