I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
