a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize